Save Your Marriage

What approach an individual or a couple, that is seeking to save their troubled marriage should take, depending upon the individual situation and the problem that the couple is facing.        

Financial problems:       
Financial problems in a marriage are a true relationship killer and can often result in divorce. Financial problems arise out of a variety of reasons. Shortage of money can be one reason, but over spending by one or both spouses can be the other. Control over the income and spending of one of the spouses can be another cause. To deal with these problems there needs to be complete trust regarding a family’s income and expenditure between a couple   

Sexual incompatibility. 
Appetites for sex almost never match. One spouse will always want more than the other. Often the woman gives in but this leaves behind a bad taste. If a woman is able to ward off a man successfully then the problem is compounded. Intimacy is part of a relationship and if it does not satisfy both the partners, it leads to discord. If mutual discussions and acceptance and adjustment to the sexual needs of the other partner are not possible, it is important to seek a counsellor’s help. Sexual incompatibility can arise from as basic issue as a non-recognition of the needs of a woman by a man.  

Marriage mediation is a healthy and direct alternative to marriage counselling for couples with marriage problems. Conflicts can be resolved quickly and effectively while building a better relationship. It is a process of helping spouses to identifying what is and isn't working in their marriage. Using a safe, structured, and confidential process, the focus is on establishing communication to construct clear and mutually satisfying agreements that positively and productively shape a relationship.       

Divorce- Final decision  
When taking a decision to divorce your spouse, there are quite a few things that you should consider. Too often people find themselves unable to clearly identify what they need to think about when taking such a decision which leads to further indecision and frustration. When making a serious divorce decision, having an open mind and listing the things that will figure into your decision about divorce, will help make the process a little simpler for you.   

The things to consider when deciding about divorce vary somewhat from person to person, but here is a list of the most common items to contemplate:

  1. Decision Item 1: Making sure that you are emotionally ready to go through the ordeal of divorce.

  2. Decision Item 2: Making sure that the reasons for divorce that you've listed regarding why you think you want a divorce are indeed valid.

  3. Decision Item 3: Understanding that your sense of self-confidence, ability to be 'self sustaining' with finances or other material things, and desire to 'start over' are all unwavering.

  4. Decision Item 4: Determining who else your divorce decision will affect and how much weight that carries in your decision making formula about divorce.

And if your decision is final then take care of following things:       

Think about the children:       

A divorce can negatively affect a child's emotional development. Think about the custody and mental state of the children. Welfare of the child should be of paramount importance;

  1. Tell the truth. Your children are entitled to know why you are getting a divorce, but long-winded reasons may only confuse them. Pick something simple and honest, like “We can’t get along anymore.” You may need to remind your children that while sometimes parents and children don't always get along, parents and children don't stop loving each other or get divorced from each other.

  2. When moving out of the marital home, minimize the stress as much as possible for the child.

  3. Whenever the child is present, the parents should show each other respect, be caring of each other, and value each other as parents.

  4. Value your continuing relationship with your child, and value the other parent's continuing relationship with your child.

Approach a good lawyer/ Social worker     
Only a good lawyer can help you with the contemporary divorce laws. A lawyer is essential for taking you forward at the right track while you are fighting for divorce. It would be better if the lawyer is especially experienced in handling divorce cases. Also your comfort level with the lawyer should be good as you will share personal details with him